May 2010
Consequences & Choices Foster a
Sense of Responsibility
Help Your Child Understand
Reasons Behind Discipline
Teach Your Child the Importance of
Self-Respect
Speak to Your Child
with Respect; Expect the Same in Return
A Word From the Director
Your child won't morph into a
responsible young adult overnight. It's a process, and it takes time. To
nurture your child's sense of responsibility:
Enforce consequences. Dole out
penalties when your child breaks the rules. This will remind her that she
is responsible for her actions. And when she messes up, she only has
herself to blame.
Give her chores. Chores are
ideal for building responsibility in your child. Even better, completing
them may make her feel capable.
Have her manage money. Nothing
hammers home the "be more responsible" message like empty pockets! Give
your child chances to earn money and teach her how to manage those
earnings.
Let her make choices. If
possible, allow your child to decide issues for herself. Obviously, you
should offer guidance. But whenever it's reasonable - and safe - for her
to make her own decisions, stand back and let her.
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Middle school is a time of
tremendous growth and change. It is also a time of questioning authority.
Gone are the days, if they ever existed, when your child is likely to
immediately do what you want.
You are still the most important
person in your child's life and she wants to please you. But she also
wants, and needs, a lot more say in what happens to her - or at least why
it is happening.
Here are some pointers for helping
your child accept and understand your discipline:
e
Explain.
Your child may not always realize that you impose a rule because you are
concerned about her safety, for example. Share your thinking with your
child. She still may not like the rule, but she will feel less frustration
if she understands it.
e
Work on
the relationship. Talk with your child often--and not just about the ways
she needs to improve. Express interest in what is going on in her life and
also in her opinions. She's much more likely to listen and follow your
directions when she knows you care about her as a person.
e
Strive for fairness. Punishing your child
just because you're angry is never a good idea. At this age, it backfires
completely. Your child's focus will only be on what she thinks you did to
her, not on what she should learn. So make sure consequences fit the
infraction. If she fails to do her chores this afternoon, she has to stay
in the next afternoon to do them.
Self-respect is essential for
middle schoolers. A child with self-respect believes in herself as a
worthy person. She knows she deserves to be treated fairly and kindly. And
she knows it would be out of character for her not to treat others the
same way.
To foster your child's sense of
self-respect:
Help your child fight negative
peer pressure. Talk about ways she can avoid situations she knows are not
right for her.
Keep a positive attitude. Everyone
experiences bumps in the road. These are temporary. Encourage your child
to make a fresh start after a set-back.
Point out your child's strengths
and explain that people have different strengths and weaknesses. This
awareness helps your child beat back feelings of jealousy. The ability to
be happy for others, rather than jealous of them, is an important part of
self-respect.
Take a firm stance against
substance abuse. Tell your child that self-respect includes respect for
your own safety and health.
Treat your
child with respect. Your child needs a model for self-respect. You are the
best choice. When you treat her well, she realizes that because you
respect yourself, you are naturally respectful to others.
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As an adult,
you probably speak to your friends and colleagues with respect. But what
about your child? It's natural for family members to let their guards
down around each other and speak to each other in a more casual way than
they do with others. But if that crosses into disrespect, you are doing
your child and yourself a disservice. If you don't speak to your child
with respect, he will never learn to speak respectfully - to you or anyone
else.
Here are some tips:
v
Start with the basics. A "Hi, honey," or even a simple "Good morning" goes
a long way.
v
Consider feelings.
If you know your child had a bad day at school, this may not be the best
time to scold him about not making his bed. Bring issues up when your
child is feeling better.
v
Be attentive. Take
your eyes off the TV when your child speaks to you. Look him in the eye.
If you are in the car driving, you obviously have to watch the road.
Encourage your child to speak to you anyway. A lot of great parent-child
communication happens in the car.
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The rush of spring is here!
Families find themselves in frenzy – school programs, concerts, field
days, class trips, final exams, graduations and celebrations abound.
Whether we are proudly watching a kindergartner or a senior face the next
phase of life, we know our children will tackle their futures with gusto.
This year, we have looked at a number of parenting issues, from building
character to preventing substance abuse, from dealing with bullies to
handling stress. Looking back, the newsletters really revolve around a
central point: Respect. Respect for self. Respect for family, friends,
schools and community. Respect is a small word with large impact.
Webster’s defines it as, “To have deferential regard for; esteem. To
treat with propriety or consideration.” It is how we want our children to
treat us, and how they need to treat themselves.
During the summer months, we encourage you to continue helping your family
build respect. It is a major tool in building strong, self-assured and
capable young people. For ideas, information and parenting tips, please
continue to visit our website. And of course, feel free to contact our
office if you have questions.
Have a wonderful summer!
Darcy
Jensen and the PCN Board
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