December, 2007
Establish Specific, Reasonable Expectations for Middle Schoolers
Learn
About Social-Networking Sites to Keep Preteens Safe
Coach Your Child
on Dealing With Rude People
A Word From the Director
It’s important
to set expectations for your middle schooler. It’s just as critical,
though, to be clear and reasonable about those expectations. So instead of
telling her to “calm down,” for instance, try being more specific: “I
expect you to speak respectfully to me, even when I say ‘no’ to
something.” Here are examples of how to be specific when setting
expectations for your middle schooler:
Limit phone
calls. “You can talk on
the phone for up to an hour each night. But there are no calls - incoming
or outgoing - after 9 p.m.”
Put
schoolwork first. “You’re
free to watch TV or play video games after you’ve finished all of your
homework, not before.”
Keep you
posted about her plans.
“If there’s someplace you want to go, let me know ahead of time.”
Participate
in family events. Give
your middle schooler plenty of time with her friends, but don’t totally
excuse her from family activities. “Remember, we have lunch with Grandpa
every Sunday, and you need to be there.”
Clean up after herself. “Dirty laundry goes in the hamper. Any dirty
clothes left on your bedroom floor won’t get washed.”
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In the “olden
days” (say, five years ago), kids actually had to go places to interact
with other kids. Today, they just have to turn on their home computers.
Today, free sites (such as MySpace®, Xanga® and Facebook®) have actually
changed the ways kids connect. Today, kids use these online sites to send
messages to each other, play games and chat. Some also create their own
blogs (online journals). These sites let kids feel that they are part of a
community. However, they can also be dangerous. Online predators and
bullies may try to strike up a relationship in order to meet
face-to-face. Should you allow your child to register on one of these
sites? The decision is up to you. But before you say yes, you need to set
ground rules. For instance, your child should:
1) Choose her
screen name carefully. She should not use a name that makes it easy to
identify who she is, where she lives, or her age.
2) Limit access
only to people she knows.
3) Understand
that nothing she posts online is ever private. Others may see what she has
written.
4) Agree to let
you see her site from time to time.
5) Not post
pictures that will let viewers identify her or her friends.
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Successful
school behavior can depend on how well your child deals with people who
may treat him with rudeness or disrespect. Students get in trouble at
school every day because they overreact to rudeness. They may even wind up
in worse trouble than the student who started it.
Perhaps this has
never happened to your child. But it is likely he has witnessed someone
getting in trouble after overreacting. Help your child stay out of this
trap and take responsibility for his own behavior. Tell him to:
Turn away from the offender and concentrate on something else.
Smile, shake his head and walk away.
Take deep breaths to cool down.
Ask the teacher to excuse him. Then go to the water fountain for a drink
of water.
Think of a person (like you, for example) he can talk to later about what
happened.
Think of a time he received a great compliment, or a time when someone did
something really nice for him.
Think of himself in detention and work to avoid that!
Talk to his teacher or school counselor if this is an ongoing problem.
They can work with the rude student privately.
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Greetings from PCN
The holiday season is coming and I am feeling
the pressure to get everything done. I do notice when I am stressed
or in a hurry I am not as willing to just let rude behavior go. In
the articles I selected for the newsletter this month I chose to highlight
respect for self and others. This may seem like a topic that is
often part of what we as parent already teach our children but do we tell
them how to handle rude people and do we role model respect for ourselves
and others? It is easy to say the words, “Be respectful” but at times our
actions and those of other adults speak louder than any reminder we may
give them. We need to give our children the tools necessary to learn how
to be respectful. This quote from Eldridge Cleaver defines respect,
“Respect commands itself and it can be neither given nor withheld when it
is due.” Talking to our children about respect is a way to empower them
and a skill that will last a lifetime. As always call the PCN
office if any have questions or are in need of a resource. Enjoy
your family time during the holiday season.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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