November, 2007
Expect Your Child
to Follow ‘Blog Rules”
Give a Lesson in
being Respectful to Others
Avoid Discipline Plan Extremes
A Word From the Director
Have you heard
of blogging? Your child has. “Blogging” is the act of writing a weblog (or
“blog”), then posting it online. Blogging is popular among middle
schoolers and many free sites allow kids to share their thoughts with the
world. And that’s the problem: their thoughts (along with their names,
addresses, etc.) are available to anyone with Internet access. If you’ve
given your preteen permission to blog, be sure to discuss the rules of
blog safety with him.
Do not allow your child to:
Lie about his age. Don’t
let him pretend to be older than he is.
Reveal his
identity. Your preteen’s
blog should never include information that would allow someone to track
him down. This includes his last name, home address or the name of his
school.
Allow
unlimited access to his blog.
Many sites allow users to “password protect” their blogs so only friends
have access. This isn’t foolproof, but it’s a good idea.
Post
questionable photos. Your
preteen should assume that anyone can see - or download and print -
anything he posts on his blog. Once a photo hits the Internet, he has
absolutely no control over where it goes.
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Does your child
know the real meaning of respect? For too many children today, the word
has become associated with forcefulness and fear. If you can force someone
to do something for you, he is “respecting” you.
Of course, this
couldn’t be more wrong. As a parent, part of your job is to teach your
child that real respect simply means treating other people nicely.
Tell your child
to:
Be kind to others no matter what.
Speak in a way that shows you value the listener. Profanity and talking
back are not respectful.
Be careful with your own things or those of others. People usually work
very hard to get the things they own.
Listen. You don’t always have to agree with what others say, but you do
have to be polite. Do not interrupt. Do not use rude body language, such
as rolling your eyes. This insults the speaker just as much as if you had
used rude words.
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As the parent of a middle schooler, you have
probably learned that grounding your child “for life” doesn’t usually pan
out, and that shouting or giving your child ultimatums rarely works.
Consider a discipline plan that presents your child with clear boundaries,
but also relies on strong parent-child communication. Remember, you want
your child to respect reasonable adults, so, act like a reasonable adult.
Try this plan:
Pick
several rules that are most important to you, such as “no attending
parties where parents are not present.” Explain to your child your reason
for these rules.
Choose
consequences and let your child know what they will be. Fit consequences
to the situation. Avoid statements such as, “You’re never going to leave
this house again, young lady.”
Reward
good behavior with trust. Say, “I trust you to make the right decision on
this. I am here if you want to talk about it.”
Don’t jump
to conclusions. At least let your child tell her side of the story. Try
saying, “It was my understanding that you weren’t going to do that. I need
to know what went on here, and how it got to this point.” Your child may
not like the end result, but she’ll realize that you made an effort to
treat her fairly.
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This is the season of thanksgiving
- what is on your list of things to be thankful for? I was at a
conference and one of the activities asked each participate to write down
things we are thankful for and valued. The instructions for the list
asked each of us to include people, freedoms, possessions and activities.
As the speaker read the instructions, we had to give up something from our
list with each question read. What I came to realize was that it was my
list of people I valued most and I struggled with the most. I gave up my
possessions first, which sort of surprised me, but I did not like making
choices with my list of people I valued. Do we take time to let the
people we value know how important they are in our lives? For many of us
the answer is ‘no’; those valued people often give to us just to give not
ever expecting anything in return. Teaching our children the art of giving
is a gift that lasts a lifetime. This quote from Mary Crowley truly
expresses the spirit of giving, “Give for the joy of giving - if you only
give to get, you are not giving. You are trading.” Take time to talk with
your family about the people and things that maybe on their list and
remember to thank those who give to each of us just for joy of giving. As
always call the PCN office if any have questions or are in need of a
resource. Enjoy your discussion and the information on our site.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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