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Teach -
And Earn - Respect From Your Middle Schooler
Little Moments Together
Mean A Lot!
Help Your Child
Develop More Self-Control
A Word From the Director
What’s one of the most
critical values you can instill in your middle schooler? Respect. By
teaching her to respect you, herself and others, you’ll help her grow into
a grounded, decent adult.
And, believe it
or not, she’s looking to you for guidance. Studies show that kids do care
what their parents think. Don’t assume your preteen takes her cues from
friends and pop culture. The signals you send your preteen about the issue
of respect are critical. To make sure your message gets through loud and
clear:
Remember that
you’re not her friend. Your preteen already has friends; she needs you to
be her parent. Friends have equal power in a relationship; parents and
children do not. It may sound like fun to be her buddy, but she needs you
to be an authority figure. Earn your child’s respect by being reliable and
steady, not by being her pal.
Be tough when necessary. A survey
reports that 55 percent of parents cave in to their child’s nagging. Don’t
be one of them. Instead, be firm and reasonable when dealing with your
preteen. Treat her fairly and you’ll demonstrate respect. Be consistent
and loving and you’ll earn it.
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When your preteen was younger,
spending time with her probably came naturally. Now that she’s becoming a
young adult, it can be tough to just “hang out” together.
But spending time together is important for both of you; so don’t give up
on it. Even if it’s a stolen moment here or there, the time you spend with
your preteen means a lot. Here are several places you may find those
moments:
In the car.
If you’re like most people, you spend plenty of time behind the wheel. So
take your preteen with you when you run errands. Sitting side by side
(instead of face to face) may encourage your preteen to open up and talk
more—about school, sports, friends or just life in general.
In the
kitchen. Cooking is
another wonderful opportunity for spending time together. Ask your preteen
to chop lettuce while you boil pasta. Have her describe her “dream meal”
while you work.
At the book store.
Her taste in books may differ from yours, but spend an afternoon indulging
her anyway. Browse whichever shelves she chooses. By taking an interest in
the things she likes, you demonstrate that you value her.
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The older your child gets, the more he will
run into situations - perhaps many in one day - when things don’t go
exactly as he would have wished. How will he respond? That depends on how
much self-control he has. Self-control allows a person to maintain
appropriate behavior in any situation.
You
won’t always be there to tell your child exactly how to control himself,
however. At this age, his control must begin to come from within himself.
To foster this:
Teach your
child to stop. If the
first thing he does in a negative situation is take action, chances are
the action will be negative.
Suggest
talking to himself. “Okay,
you’re really mad. But you just can’t lose it. Take a deep breath. Be
calm.”
Encourage him to act only when
calm. “I hate being pushed
in the bus line. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’ll just get
on the bus and look out the window.”
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The warm days of
summer are beginning to fade and we are all adjusting to our “back to
school” schedule. As I selected the articles for this month the topic
that I chose to highlight is respect.
How do we teach our children respect? The teachable moments are there for
us to use if we just prepare for them and seize the time. Our children
watch us as we go about our daily lives; we are role modeling how to react
to others and how to handle difficult situations. Parenting is never an
easy job and giving our children the tools they will need to lead
successful lives is large part of that job. Jackie Robinson once said,
“I‘m not concerned with your liking or disliking me. All I ask is that
you respect me as a human being.”
Teaching our children to respect our schools, community leaders, friends
and family must start with them understanding the meaning of respect. Take
time to discuss the meaning of respect and how someone earns our respect.
Take time to read the articles and enjoy your own family discussion.
As always, please call the PCN office if you have any questions or are in
need of a resource.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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