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Truancy and ‘School Refusal’ -What’s the Difference?
Parent Quiz: Is After-School Time Safe & Productive?
Checking Emotions When it is Time to Discipline
A Word From the Director
It’s normal for your child to occasionally grumble about going to
school. After all, staying home and relaxing can be a lot more appealing than
dealing with homework, tests and quizzes. But it’s not normal if his grumbling
results in “school refusal,” where he actively avoids attending class. Not only
is school refusal a serious issue, it can lead to long-term problems. Although
it can happen anytime, research shows that school refusal is most common in
children attending kindergarten and middle school. School refusal is caused by
fear and it often crops up after a child has been away from school for a while
(such as after summer break, an illness or a vacation). Signs of school refusal
include:
-A literal refusal to go to school in the morning.
-Frequent complaints of minor aches and pains.
-Illnesses that crop up in the morning, get better during the day while the
child is home, then reappear the next morning.
-Crying, yelling or other indicators of extreme anxiety.
It’s vital to remember that school refusal is different from truancy. To tell
whether your preteen’s spotty attendance stems from real anxiety rather than a
desire to “play hooky”, ask yourself: Is he genuinely nervous about going to
school? Does he tell me when he misses school rather than try to hide it? Is he
typically well behaved?
If you answered yes, your middle schooler is likely experiencing school refusal.
And whether it stems from a concrete fear or general anxiety, it’s critical to
address the problem quickly. To do so, seek help from your child’s physician,
his teachers or the school’s guidance counselor. It will take effort and
commitment, but it can be overcome.
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Parent Quiz:
Is After-School Time Safe & Productive?
Research shows that the hours immediately
after school are the time when children are most likely to get into trouble.
Find out whether your child’s after-school hours are safe and productive: answer
yes to something you do often, no to something you do only rarely.
__1. I make sure my child has an adult who checks on him after school.
__2. I have an after-school schedule and rules for my child. (For example: get
started on homework, fix snack, no friends in the house without an adult
present.)
__3. I make sure my child has several ways to reach me, even if another adult is
checking on him.
__4. I encourage my child to participate in extra-curricular school activities
that are of interest to him, such as band, sports or the yearbook.
__5. I require my child to notify me if he is going to be anywhere but where I
expect him to be after school.
How did you do?
Mostly yes answers means you are monitoring your child to make sure his
after-school time is well spent. Mostly no? Check the quiz for some suggestions
on how your child can better spend time after school.
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Checking Emotions When
it is Time to Discipline
It
is always important to keep your emotions out of discipline, especially with a
child this age. Shouting shifts the whole dynamic from a focus on her behavior
to a focus on yours. Instead of feeling sorry about what she did, she feels
sorry for herself, and angry at you. Keep the focus on your child’s behavior and
not yours by:
Postpone if you get too angry. Just tell your child, “Okay, we’ll do this
later.” Then leave the room to calm down.
Have a policy of “describing and deciding.” Instead of yelling at your child,
“How dare you speak to me that way!” set your jaw and say, “That kind of
language is incredibly rude and disrespectful.” That’s describing. Then say,
“I’ll consider taking you to your friend’s house when you can speak in a nicer
tone.” That’s deciding. Then close the subject.
Combine sympathy and consequences. Despite many reminders, your child does not
turn in her homework all week. Consequence: She gets a zero. Your response
should be, “Wow, that is really tough. Let me know if you want to talk about
some ways we can make sure that doesn’t happen again.” Remember to never say, “I
told you so,” as this takes your child off the hook. Instead of thinking of her
homework, she will now think about what you said to her and how mean she thinks
it is.
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Greetings from PCN
Unbelievable! We’re already counting down to the end of the school year. It
seems I just put away my snow shovel and boots - now we are talking about end of
school events and summer fun. For parents, this time of year can be difficult,
with more questions than answers. Who can provide day care? Do we need
daycare? Who will they be hanging out with all day? What about the
Prom/Graduation Parties? These are just a few of the questions I have heard
from parents. Take time to plan for these events and your summer. You'll find
ideas and tips on this website whether you are planning the party or talking
about summer care. Be sure to talk about expectations and safety - for ideas
and info, check out
www.safesouthdakota.com. Decide what your
family plan will be and follow through on the decisions as a family. Remember,
when we get everyone involved in the process then we all have a share in the
planning and responsibility. Words of wisdom: “Few things can help an individual
more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust
him.” (Quote from Booker T. Washington)
Please call the PCN office if you have any questions or are in need of a
resource.
Enjoy summer and Happy planning.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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