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Safe Surfing Online
Support Kids Who Are Less Socially Successful
Aim for a Balance Between Family Life & Privacy
A Word From the Director
- And a Special Message
Your
preteen uses the Internet to do homework, chat with friends and just have fun.
But do you know what else she’s doing online? Since middle schoolers can often
be moody and secretive, it can be tough to get your preteen to open up and talk
about what she sees and does online. Besides, she may feel like she’s old enough
to handle whatever strange, scary things she encounters online. Or she may keep
those things secret because she doesn’t want to feel like a baby by telling you
about them. Either way, it’s vital that you keep tabs on her Internet use and
that you know what she’s doing in cyberspace. Here are some signs that your
preteen may be at risk for online trouble:
*She spends
lots of time logged on, particularly at night.
*You discover pornography on her computer. Predators often lure kids by sending
them pornography.
*She shuts
off the monitor as soon as you enter the room.
*She
withdraws from the family. Although some “pulling away” is normal for preteens,
a total withdrawal isn’t.
To keep
your preteen from getting into serious trouble online:
1) Talk to
her about Internet dangers.
2) Keep the
family computer in the living room or other place, not in your child’s bedroom.
3) Use
filtering software to prevent her from visiting sites that are inappropriate.
4) Spend
time with her online. Get to know her favorite sites.
5) Limit
her computer usage.
6) Teach
her never to give out personal information online.
7) Insist
that chat rooms (if you decide to let her enter them) be kid-friendly and are
monitored regularly.
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Problems with peers are common in middle school.
Many kids can navigate this independently, but others can’t. You can’t control
your child’s social life like you may have done when he was five years old. But
if your child struggles socially, there are things you can do to help and
support him.
You can:
Help him play to his strengths. What is your child good at and enjoy
most? Chances are there is a group centered around one of your child’s interests
and it will be filled with other kids who share that interest.
Nurture your child’s friendships. Allow your child to invite a friend
home to watch a movie or TV show they both enjoy. Serve a snack.
Look for
a structured activity. Even if it’s not your child’s first choice, consider
trying a recreational team, a group at a place of worship or a club at your
local community center.
Be watchful. Sometimes less socially skilled children are targets for
children who want to use them for an unfriendly purpose. Use the limits you have
always given your child and review your rules with him again. Help him
understand that breaking a rule because a “friend” asked you to is wrong, and
that real friends do not aim to get each other into trouble.
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Staying close with your child through the preteen years is so important. But
it can also be difficult. You want your child to talk to you and do things with
the family. Yet he craves alone time—or time with his friends—more than ever.
Still, time together is not impossible; it just takes a little more work and
creativity. Consider these ideas:
 Talk
with your child about your priorities for family time. For example, everyone is
home for dinner three nights a week. Then allow him to sometimes make alternate
plans for lower-priority family time, such as running errands with you.
Find a space for your child at home. If he
doesn’t have his own room, at least give him a corner of the couch where he can
curl up uninterrupted for a while.
Ask
your child what he would like to do
with the family. Let him have his choice once a week or so. Ask him if he would
like to further an activity by making an agenda.
Express an interest in activities your
child usually does alone. Don’t force yourself into them. Just say something
like, “What’s your favorite song on that new CD?”
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Greetings from PCN
Spring is here and we are all feeling the
desire to get outside! It is also a time of the year when kids are spending
more time with their peers and may be exposed to alcohol or other drugs. I am
including part of the SAMHSA “Family Guide to Keeping Youth Healthy” because I
do believe parental involvement and education is a key to keeping our young
people safe and healthy. Please use these resources. The PCN board knows
parenting is an important job and we all need support!
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
‘Kids
are flooded with media messages that glamorize alcohol use. They also may be
pressured by peers to drink. However, as a parent you have enormous influence on
the choices your child makes. Take action: if you find alcohol in your child’s
room or backpack, or smell alcohol on his breath, do not ignore it.
Communication with your child is the key to preventing underage alcohol use.
Here’s what parents can do:
1) Learn about the warning signs and how alcohol use can
harm your child’s mind, body, and emotions.
2) Talk early and often with your child. Tell your children what you
expect from them if they are offered alcohol anytime, anywhere.
3) Get involved with your child’s activities. Encourage your child to
participate in supervised groups, clubs, and events that are challenging, fun,
and alcohol free.
4) Be a good role model. Think about what you say and how you act in
front of your child.
5) Teach your kids to choose friends wisely and how to form positive
relationships.
6) Set the rule: No riding with anyone who has been drinking. Tell them
to call you if they find themselves in that situation, and assure them you will
come and get them, or help them find a way to get home safely.
7) Remind them of your rules and the consequences of breaking those
rules.
Remember, as
parents, the earlier you start talking to your child about drinking, the more
influence you may have on their values and decisions. Several short
conversations are better than one long lecture.
And finally, let them know how proud you are of the good decisions they
make.
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