What's the best way to show your
preteen your love? There are too many ways to count. Still, when asked in
a survey, students said they'd like their parents to:
þ
Really listen when they have
something to say.
þ
Stop comparing them to siblings or
peers.
þ
Be good role models.
þ
Spend more time together just having
fun as a family.
þ
Avoid lecturing about every mistake.
þ
Treat them with respect.
þ
Encourage them to do well in school
and elsewhere.
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Set reasonable rules and limits.
þ
Notice when they do things right.
þ
Offer guidance.
þ
Take an interest in schoolwork.
þ
Meet their teachers and learn about
their classes.
Being there for
your preteen and showing him how much he means to you will put him on the
road to success in school--and in life.
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Take this quiz to see if you are
encouraging your child to be responsible. This is one of the most
important qualities for success in school and in life. Answer yes or no to
the questions below:
__1. Do you emphasize the importance
of being reliable and dependable by expecting your child to do what he
says he'll do?
__2. Do you hold your child
accountable for his actions? If he loses something he borrowed, do you
expect him to earn money to replace it?
__3. Have you talked with your child
about the importance of good judgment?
__4. Do you work with your child on
developing greater self-control? Model this by holding your temper and
avoiding impulsive actions.
__5. Do you encourage your child to
do some kind of volunteer work?
How well are you doing?
Mostly yes answers mean you are
striving to raise a responsible child. For no answers, try those ideas in
the quiz.
Before your child can make a good decision about an important question, he
should do some research. Then he can act. Guide your child to:
Get the facts. If he is asked
to look after a neighbor's dog for the weekend, he should find out exactly
what he needs to do. How often should he feed the dog? What times? Should
he walk the dog? How often?
Consider conflicts. Your child
has to study this weekend. He is also invited to a friend's party. Can he
do both and still care for the dog?
Think about the feelings of
those involved. Say that the dog needs to be let out at 8:30 p.m. and the
party starts at 7:30. If he misses the party will his friend be upset? If
he turns down the job, will the neighbor ask another person to care for
the dog in the future?
Come up with alternatives.
Perhaps your child can explain to his friend that he really would
like to have steady work caring for the dog. Maybe your child and his
friend can do something together next weekend instead.
Realize that decisions are not always perfect. If your child decides to
miss the party and care for the dog, he is giving up fun with friends. But
he is gaining a chance to look after the dog when his neighbor travels.
Sometimes good decisions require a small sacrifice to achieve a long-term
benefit.
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Your child is now at a stage where
you need to discipline more carefully. Discipline is essential. But your
child is more likely to push back at discipline methods she finds too
harsh and controlling. The point of discipline can quickly become lost as
she uses the opportunity to pick a fight. You may not be able to
avoid this all the time. But you can keep the upper hand while still
treating your child with respect if you:
ê
Lower your voice. Be calm and in control
when speaking to your child.
ê
Use fewer
words. Kids usually tune out at the first sign of a parental
lecture. So instead of launching into another rant about your child's
messy room, point to the clothes on the floor, and firmly say, "Katie,
pick up your clothes. Now, please."
ê
State the
obvious. "The dog keeps standing by her empty bowl. She looks
pretty hungry." Not: "You forgot to feed her again. Can't you remember
anything?"
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We are slowly
making our way through winter and starting to dream of spring. What a
difference a month can make in the temperature and our dreams of warmer
weather. As we cross off the days of winter the idea of spring seems
possible and less of a dream.
Having dreams
and setting goals for personal growth are important for parents and
children. As parents we always want the best for our children and resolve
to assist them in their efforts. Yet if we think back to our own
accomplishments, most likely the things we dreamed and did on our own have
the most value for us.
As I was working on this letter a recent play date with my little
granddaughter came to mind. I watched and listened as she told me about
the castle she was building. I was just ready to help her balance the last
blocks on the top of the castle when she turned and said, “No I do it”! Oh
the look of triumph I saw when she succeeded. I found this quote by John
Newport, which I thought truly fit. “Whenever I pursue my dreams I
discover something astonishing-- I discover myself. Dreams aren’t a matter
of chance but a matter of choice.“ Allow your children to dream and
set goals for themselves. The process can set in motion a journey of a
lifetime. Supporting them as they reach their goals builds a strong
relationship and a treasure-trove of memories. Take time as a family
to share your dreams and support each other in the journey. As always call
the PCN office if you have questions or are in need of a resource.
Enjoy your family time.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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