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Your Involvement May Prevent Preteen Trouble
Coach Your Child on Specific Ways to Respect Elders
Take Control of Your Kid’s Screen Time
Boost Your Monitoring Skills, Build Your
Child’s Responsibility
A Word From the Director
Why do the middle-school years feel like such a minefield
sometimes? Preteens are going through incredible changes during adolescence. To
help your child avoid problems in middle school, it’s important to understand
what makes him tick during this time in his life. Although there’s no such
thing as a “typical” preteen, it’s fair to assume that your preteen may:
-Experience big bursts of emotional or physical energy, but
spend equal time doing nothing (or, in your eyes, just being lazy).
-Ride an emotional roller coaster. Although he’s often fearless and acts
immortal, he’s likely to have his feelings crushed if his friends think poorly
of him.
-Crave independence and freedom from you, while also wanting (and needing) your
love and protection.
-Insist on having more privileges, but then balk at taking on the added
responsibilities that lead to such privileges.
-Want more time alone, while also seeking more time with his friends.
There’s plenty you can do to help him avoid problems at
school. Studies show that parents’ educational level, race or class have
nothing to do with how well their preteen does in school. What matters is your
enthusiasm and commitment to supporting him. Here are some tips:
Learn as much as possible about his school, including its policies and
the names of his teachers.
Read every handout that he brings home from school.
Talk to your middle schooler about what he’s doing in class and
review his work with him.
Show him that you value education by taking an interest in what he’s
learning.
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“No respect” is a big complaint adults have about children today. Teachers
and parents share it, too. A recent survey by the research group Public Agenda
found that disrespect was the second-biggest discipline problem in schools
today.
Insist on respect. But avoid general statements. Children learn little from
“Show respect,” or “Respect your elders.” They learn much more from clear
expectations and specific instructions. Teach your child specific things like:
- Greeting. Your child need not spend 20 minutes talking to every adult he
meets. But he should smile, say hello and make eye contact. Is the adult a
guest in your home? Have your child offer a drink or snack, or take the
visitor’s coat.
- Waiting. No one likes to be interrupted. And most adults, including
teachers, hate being interrupted by middle schoolers! Keep reminding your
child to wait until an adult is finished talking before he pipes up.
- Sharing. Your child will impress his teachers and other adults if he can
let others go through a door in front of him. And he’ll really stand out for
respectful acts such as giving up his seat to an adult or even a peer who has
been standing for a while.
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Experts agree: Kids should spend no more than two hours
each day in front of the computer or TV. By limiting “screen time,” you’ll be
promoting a healthier lifestyle and may keep your child from becoming a couch
potato. To keep your preteen’s screen time under control:
Figure out how much time she spends “plugged in.” Do you really know how long
your child spends on the computer each night? Are you sure she only watches “a
couple of TV shows” each evening?
Talk to her. Tell her why you’re concerned about her screen time. “I know you
love watching TV, but we’re all doing too much of it. Let’s figure out healthier
ways to relax and have fun.”
Set limits. If it’s impossible for your preteen to control her screen time, do
it for her. “Okay, it’s time for a rule change. From now on, nobody, including
me, gets more than two hours of screen time each day.”
Banish bedroom TVs. Studies show that kids with televisions in their bedrooms
watch 90 more minutes of TV each day than kids without their own sets.
Offer
alternatives. Go biking together. Play cards. Learn a new craft. Show your
preteen that there are plenty of ways to have fun and engage her brain without
sitting in front of a TV or computer screen.
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Who’s the biggest influence on your preteen? Is it her best friend? Her funny
and down-to-earth English teacher? That cool kid in third-period science class?
The answer is no, no and no. Research says the biggest influence on your preteen
is you.
Out of all the people in your child’s life, you have the best chance of
impacting the person she’ll become. But helping her grow into a responsible
young adult doesn’t just happen. It takes real commitment on your part—and an
ability to keep tabs on her while ignoring any protests!
To see if your “parental monitoring” skills are up to par, ask yourself:
- Do I know what my preteen does after school?
- Do I know her friends?
- Does she know that I expect a phone call if she’s going to be late?
- Do I know where she and her friends hang out?
- Do I talk to her about what she and her friends are doing?
Monitoring your preteen isn’t about ruining her fun or treating her like a
baby. It’s about keeping an eye on her as she learns to take responsibility for
herself. It’s also about mutual respect.
If you insist on knowing where she is, make sure she knows where you are. If
she must call when she’s running late, you should do the same. The more you
model responsible behavior, the quicker she may adopt it.
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Greetings from PCN
The past several weeks have been very busy; its times like
these that I seem to get buried with paperwork and demands on my time. When
this happens I need to step back and look at what I am doing - and why. When
life’s pressures get too great we may miss the best solutions because we are too
focused on the situation. Adults are not the only ones who feel the stress of
life. Our children may also feel these pressures and look for ways to relieve
them. Unfortunately, some students believe using substances will help take the
pressure off. As parents, we need to know the signs of substance use and be
prepared to talk with our children, no matter how old or young they are. We
need to be role models for them in dealing with life’s pressures. I encourage
you to visit our PCN and Prairie View websites for parenting tips and
information on recognizing the signs of substance use. There are substance
abuse/prevention counselors in our schools who are available to talk about any
concerns or questions you may have regarding these issues. The PCN board knows
parenting is an important job and we all need support. Our goal is to be a
helpful resource for you and your family. Please use these resources.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board.
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