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 The high school years put both child and parent into new roles. It
seems that one day you turn around and the child you knew so well has magically
changed into a young adult. The process really isn't that fast, of course,
but the busyness of every day life may make you overlook the changes your
fifteen to eighteen year old is going through. Keeping the common
characteristics of this age group in mind will help you get to know your child
as a young adult - nearly ready to take on the world.
 Their need for independence increases.
Parents are still needed as a "sounding board" - but the timing of what
and when is determined by the teen. Timing is everything.
They become more
concerned about world issues.
They desire to "parent" themselves, even though guidance is still desired
and needed.
Risk-taking behavior tends to increase.
They possess a sense of immortality.
They tend to be argumentative with parents about life issues as they try
to gain a place at the "adult table".
They begin to disengage from family events and traditions.
Approval from the opposite sex becomes more important.
Eventually, a new adult-adult relationship emerges between parent and
child.
Avoiding Becoming a Helicopter Parent
Some parents
always hover close to their teens. That way, they can rescue them when
they get into trouble. Suzie got a bad
grade on a test? No problem - Mom will call the teacher to ask about extra
credit. Matt didn’t type his research paper - Dad flies to the rescue and
types it for him.
The truth is that
these “helicopter” parents are keeping their kids from learning important
lessons. Their teens don’t worry if they’re caught for speeding, because
they know Mom or Dad will pay the fine. They don’t pay attention to
deadlines because they know their parents will get the deadline extended.
But sooner or
later, these kids are going to crash. In the real world, deadlines do
matter. Parents can’t show up at college to type their papers, so they
flunk out of school. Mom can’t send an excuse when they’re late for work,
so they get fired.
The next time
your teen needs rescuing, don’t be a helicopter parent. Let your teen make
some mistakes. Don’t rescue her from her own actions. That’s the way
she’ll learn. And it’s the way you can ground that helicopter forever.
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