May 2010
Avoid
Being Overprotective to Teach Independence
Help Your
Teen Benefit From Community Service
Have You
Talked with Your Teen About Integrity?
Regular Consequences = Fewer Arguments with Your Teen
A Word From the Director
Overprotective parents tend to
"rescue" kids from problems to protect them from any pain or
suffering. Kids often love this kind of parenting - at the time. But
overprotection can prevent them from learning the life skills they'll
need as adults.
It's especially important to
avoid overprotecting teens. Teenagers need to learn to take care of
themselves, especially as they will probably move away from home in a
few years.
To make sure you're not an
overprotective parent:
ž
Avoid rescuing your teen
from small problems. If he has forgotten his geometry book at school
and he has homework to do, he'll have to figure something out.
(Obviously, if your child is dealing with a larger problem, like being
bullied, it's fine to step in and help him.)
ž
Give your teen responsibilities
around the house. Knowing how to do his own laundry, how to make
doctors' appointments or how to mow the lawn will definitely come in
handy when he's an adult.
Woodrow Wilson, a wartime
president, once said, "If you would be a leader, you must lead your
own generation, not the next." That's what teen volunteers do every
day.
Over the years, researchers
have examined many of the positive effects of community service on
teens. They include:
Respect. Teens who volunteer
learn to respect others and themselves. As they work to solve
problems, they gain new skills. They see the results of their work.
They gain the respect not only of their peers, but also of adults and
community members.
Leadership skills. Teens who
participate in community service learn how to organize others. They
know how to work in teams. Those are skills they can use in the
classroom today and in the workplace tomorrow.
The "coolness factor." Other
teens think that those who volunteer are cool. They respect them as
leaders and look up to them.
Even a teen with the best of
intentions will make mistakes. He may lie to a friend. He may go to a
party he told you he wouldn't attend. It's important to talk with
your teen about acting with integrity. While morality is the set of
beliefs that help your teen judge what's right and wrong, integrity is
how he acts on those beliefs.
It's great if your teen says he believes in being honest. But what
does he do when his friend asks for the answer to Question 10 on the
test? What he does in that minute affects his integrity.
There are going to be times when he makes decisions that he knows are
wrong. Some experts say that teens actually learn integrity in those
minutes - they gain integrity by losing it. But that only works if
someone helps them think through their choice.
Ask your teen:
? What got in the way
of telling the truth?
? Were you trying to
impress someone else?
? Would you have acted
differently if you had been with a different group of people?
Tell your teen that integrity
is like a muscle. The more he uses it, the stronger it will become. So
when he has to make a tough decision, he should ask one question: Will
this action build up my integrity?
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She's missed her curfew.
You're too tired to argue about it, so you let it slide. It happens
all the time. Parents think they are avoiding an argument by letting
their teens break the rules. And they are - for the moment. But
they're really just postponing the battle until the next time they try
to enforce the rules.
It's one of the great mysteries of discipline. The more consistently
you apply consequences, the less you will have to impose them. When
you're inconsistent, your teen starts to think you don't really mean
what you say. The rules really aren't rules; they're more like
suggestions. So she'll fight your rules all the time. After all,
sometimes pushing back works. On the other hand, if you enforce
curfew every time, your teen will almost never fight. She knows what
to expect if she breaks the rules, so she's more likely to follow
them.
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The rush of spring is here!
Families find themselves in frenzy – school programs, concerts, field
days, class trips, final exams, graduations and celebrations abound.
Whether we are proudly watching a kindergartner or a senior face the
next phase of life, we know our children will tackle their futures
with gusto.
This year, we have looked at a number of parenting issues, from
building character to preventing substance abuse, from dealing with
bullies to handling stress. Looking back, the newsletters really
revolve around a central point: Respect. Respect for self. Respect
for family, friends, schools and community. Respect is a small word
with large impact. Webster’s defines it as, “To have deferential
regard for; esteem. To treat with propriety or consideration.” It is
how we want our children to treat us, and how they need to treat
themselves.
During the summer months, we encourage you to continue helping your
family build respect. It is a major tool in building strong,
self-assured and capable young people. For ideas, information and
parenting tips, please continue to visit our website. And of course,
feel free to contact our office if you have questions.
Have a wonderful summer!
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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