April 2010
Tame Your Nerves When it Comes to Tough Talks With Your Teen
Do You and
Your Teen Speak the Same Language?
Questions & Answers
Show
Your Teen How to be Financially Self-Disciplined
A Word From the Director
Teens face
difficult issues every day - from sex and dating concerns, to drugs
and violence. You aren't helping your teen if you cover your ears
every time she asks you a tough question.
Be prepared
to have an open conversation with your teen to discuss these issues.
It's better for you to share your family's values with your teen than
for her to go along with whatever her friends are doing.
Here are
some tips for surviving tough talks with your teen:
þ
Do some thinking in
advance. It's natural that your teen will eventually come to you to
talk about a difficult issue. Spend time thinking of typical teen
behaviors and how you would advise your teen to address them.
þ
Avoid delaying the conversation.
Your teen will likely catch you off guard with her question. But
realize that if she's asking your advice on a situation, she has
probably already asked her friends for their advice. You'll have to
answer the question right away. Buy yourself some time to think by
saying something like "I'm glad you came to me with that question."
þ
Be clear and
honest in your response. Discuss your family's values. Use proper
terminology for things rather than slang. If you're embarrassed, say
so. Your teen will be more likely to turn to you in the future if she
knows you'll give honest advice without being judgmental.
Sometimes,
it seems as if teens and parents don't speak the same language. They
say they'll be home "soon." They mean, "Sometime before tomorrow." You
say, "Do your homework now." They hear, "Do it whenever."
Are you
making every effort to speak the same language as your teen? Answer
each question yes or no to find out:
___1. Do you spend time with your teen every
day so you can talk about day-to-day issues?
___2. Do you schedule times to do something
special together? You can go out for breakfast or take a walk.
___3. Do you spend a few minutes with your
teen before bed? Often, teens will say things in the dark that they
would never say during the day.
___4. Do you occasionally watch TV shows
with your teen?
___5. Do you try to listen to at least some
of your teen's favorite music?
How well are you doing?
Each yes
means you are trying to speak the same language as your teen. For each
no, try that idea.
Q:
My teen was always an above-average student. But now in her
tenth grade year, her grades have dropped. She has a new group of
friends--people I don't know and don't really like. She's lost
interest in school, and in other activities like sports that she used
to enjoy. Recently, I've caught her lying about things--from a grade
on a test to where she's going. I am worried she might be using drugs.
What should I do?
A:
Any one of the changes in your teen's behavior might be a cause for
worry. But taken together, they point in a dangerous direction.
Your teen is
at risk of using drugs. You need to be open to that possibility, and
you need to start thinking about what you'll do if you learn it's the
truth.
First, try
to talk with her teachers. They may be seeing the same things. They
may even have some added insights. Tell them about your worries. Ask
them to stay in touch with you.
Learn all
you can about drug abuse. Review our
Drug Free Kids section for the
basics.
You're going
to have to talk with your teen. Tell her what you have seen. Tell her
what you suspect. Then be sure your teen gets outside help. Your
family doctor may offer some ideas on where to get help.
Trust your
instincts. If you suspect your teen is using drugs, you're probably
right. Delaying action won't help, so act as quickly as you can.
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It's already
spring - just about time for your teen to begin looking for a summer
job. Before he gets that first paycheck and hits the mall, teach him
about financial self-discipline.
Here's how:
Ask your teen why he wants the job.
Is it to help out your family? Is he saving for college? Does he just
want some extra spending money?
Talk about how your teen handles
money now. Does he have a savings account? Or does he spend money as
soon as he gets it?
Help your teen come up with a
savings goal. Discuss what he would like to save money for, and how
much he thinks he could save by September.
Work out a budget with your teen. It
would be great if your teen could put every penny he earns toward
savings--but it's not likely. Even the most disciplined teen may need
some money for an emergency bike repair.
Encourage your teen to stick to his
budget. Share some of your money-saving tips with him--like using
coupons from the Sunday newspaper or waiting to buy something until it
goes on sale. Helping your teen learn how to handle money responsibly
now will benefit him greatly in the future.
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It’s been a
long hard winter, and most everyone is running short – on time,
patience and optimism. It is times like these that may make
parents wonder just what they need to do to get through to their
children. Zig Ziglar, in Raising Positive Kids in a Negative
World, points out that, "Lectures often confuse our kids, but the
example we set is crystal clear." The examples come every
day…from the snacks we choose to the way we spend our free time; from
the jokes we tell to the way we treat a store clerk. What we do
speaks louder than what we say. This is especially true in
regards to alcohol, tobacco and other drug use. Consider
carefully not only what you will say to your children about
substances, but also how you will demonstrate what you believe.
I encourage
you to visit our PCN and Prairie View websites for parenting tips and
information on substance use. Please check out these resources.
Our goal is to be a helpful resource for you and your family. The PCN
board knows parenting is an important job and our hope is to provide
you with all the tools you need to be successful.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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