December 2009
Ask Your Teen to Help You
Create New Family Traditions
Set Limits on Text Messaging to Help Your Teen Get Enough Sleep
Parent
Questions & Answers
Encourage Your
High Schooler to Develop a Strong Work Ethic
A Word From the Director
Believe it or not, teens want
to spend more time with their parents. Sure, you spend time with your
teen--today you were together in the car on the way to soccer
practice, and you read the newspaper while she studied for her biology
test. But do you spend any quality time with your teen - time when
you're relaxed and having fun together?
Now that the holidays are
here, spend time with your teen by creating a new family tradition.
Ask your teen to help you brainstorm ideas. Maybe you could decorate
the house together or go bowling one evening. Family traditions are
important because they:
ê
Build positive family memories
for your teen. She may even want to continue your tradition with her
own children one day.
ê
Foster a strong sense of
belonging. Traditions strengthen your relationship with your teen.
ê
Instill family values. Through
spending time together, your teen knows that family is your number one
priority.
ê
Help your teen figure out who she
is. A close family acts as a support system while your teen is trying
to determine what kind of person she wants to become.
ê
Give your teen
a sense of comfort. The more comfortable your teen feels spending time
having fun with you, the more likely she is to come to you for advice
about serious issues.
Teens who are already tired
from their busy schedules may be adding to their problems of sleep
deprivation. A growing number of teens admit they are sending text
messages when their parents think they're asleep.
That means they are tired in
the morning. Over time, these texting teens lose more sleep. That
affects their attendance, their grades and possibly even their health.
Here are ways to set limits on
texting:
 Look at your bill. Check when
messages were sent. If your teen is a heavy texter after bedtime, set
limits. If the problem continues, take away the phone for a time.
Keep the phone out of the bedroom.
Plug it into a recharger in the kitchen or family room.
Let her
experience the consequences. If she stays up all night sending
messages to her friends, don't take the responsibility of getting her
up and out the door in the morning.
Q:
My tenth-grade daughter has always done anything to get her own way.
Even in grade school, I often gave in rather than deal with her
tantrums. But now she's totally rebellious. She refuses to do anything
I ask. She calls me names. She acts the same way at school and the
teachers are as frustrated as I am. How can we help this child get
back in control?
A:
All teens go through periods of rebelling against authority. But your
daughter has moved beyond what's acceptable--at home and at school.
And while dealing with her
defiance will be tough, deal with it you must. Otherwise, she'll never
be able to hold a job, have a healthy relationship or live with
others.
Here's what to do:
þ
Meet with her teachers. You all
need to be on the same page--and you'll need to present a united
front.
þ
Set up some basic expectations.
Choose your battles, but do focus on things like speaking respectfully
to others.
þ
Let her know that there will be
consequences for her actions. The consequences should be roughly
proportional to what she's done. (Taking the car without permission is
not the same as calling someone a name.)
þ
Enforce consequences when she
tests the limits. Stay calm and remember that she needs a parent, not
a friend.
þ
Look for help for your daughter
and for yourself. A friendly boss, a Big Sister, a mentor or a coach
can all help you both navigate this troubling time.
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Jobs are becoming more
difficult to find for today's teens. More adults are beginning to take
over jobs traditionally staffed by teens. And many employers are
saying that teens aren't as "employable" as they used to be. They're
finding that many teens act as if the work is beneath them, do the
bare minimum or are simply not responsible enough.
But studies show that jobs
have many benefits for teens. Teens learn vital life skills, build a
foundation for their future careers and improve their self-esteem.
So how can you give your teen
a leg up over the competition?
Talk
to your teen about the importance of a strong work ethic. A
"work ethic" is a set of values and beliefs that includes traits such
as being reliable, working hard and having pride in your work. To
encourage a strong work ethic in your teen:
Model
a strong work ethic. If you show your teen how to work, why
work is important and that every job has value, he will be well
prepared. Share some of your own work experiences to make the point
that a job done well can have many benefits.
Give your teen responsibilities.
He should do his chores because that's what he was asked to do--not
just to escape being yelled at for slacking.
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The holiday
season is just around the corner, often bringing family time and
keeping with “tradition”. At times our children may be reluctant to
give up time with friends or just hanging out to join in family time.
Before the holiday season is in full swing, sit down together and talk
about your family schedule for the holidays, giving everyone a chance
to express their feelings and concerns. As a family, make a holiday
plan giving consideration to everyone’s wishes. Explaining ahead of
time the importance of a special tradition may change how children
view it.
This month I have highlighted articles that take a look at discipline,
love and parenting. Three simple words, but each one has the power to
change a life. Remember the power of love as you plan your holiday
schedule - it can make a difference.
Holiday wishes for memories that will last a lifetime. As always call
the PCN office if you have any questions or are in need of a
resource. Enjoy your family time during the holiday season.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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