December, 2007
Share Regrets
of Recent Grads With Your Teen
Show Respect When
Talking with Your Teen
Teach How to
Disagree in a Respectful Way
A Word From the
Director
“If only…” We’ve all said those words. Often, we look back and wish we
had taken the opportunities presented to us. Research shows that
recent high school grads are no different. But what they regret may
surprise you and your teen.
“If I had it to do over,” these young adults say, “I’d have worked
harder in high school, taken tougher courses and earned better
grades.”
Surprised?
Don’t be. Now that these young adults are out in the world (some in
college, some at work), they know what they need to know. They wish
they had taken tougher science courses and at least one more math
course. They also wish they had worked harder in English class.
It may be
too late for today’s graduates. But it’s not too late for your teen.
Share these survey results. After all, in the future, you don’t want
your grad saying, “If only...”
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Someone once
said that in order to get respect, you have to give it. This is
definitely true when it comes to dealing with teens. You should expect
your teen to show you respect through his words and his actions.
However, your teen has the right to be respected in turn. He’s no
longer the naive little kid he once was; he’s almost grown up with his
own opinions and views on the world.
You can
build an atmosphere of mutual respect with your teen by talking with
him. Be sure to:
1) Begin
with a less personal topic, such as school. Ask your teen about what
he did in school, who his favorite teacher is, etc. You’ll be able to
tell when he feels comfortable, because his answers will be longer
than one word.
2) Avoid judging your teen. If you jump down his throat when he says
he doesn’t like science, he’s unlikely to open up to you in the
future. Instead, give him honest advice.
3) Tackle more difficult subjects as your teen becomes more
comfortable talking with you. Ask him about his views on peer
pressure, sex, drugs and alcohol. Share your beliefs, as well. Since
you have shown that you respect his decisions and beliefs, your teen
is more likely to respect your views in turn.
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Teach How to Disagree in a Respectful Way
There will
always be times people disagree with each other. But sometimes, teens
get so wrapped up in wanting to win that they become disrespectful and
downright rude in the process. Your teen can disagree, without being
disagreeable. Suggest that she:
Look at the other person. Don’t stare and don’t make faces.
Looking at the person is one way to show you are listening.
Use a pleasant voice. Every teenager in the world knows the
other voice - the one that drips with sarcasm. That’s not the
voice to use if you actually want to reach common ground.
Find something to agree on. This is a great way to reach a
solution you can both live with. “So we both agree that we want the
homecoming dance to be the best ever. We just have different ideas
about how to do that.”
Give reasons. Persuade others by backing up opinions with
facts.
Keep listening. Stay calm. Work to find some area of agreement
with the other person.
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Greetings from PCN
The holiday season is coming and I am feeling
the pressure to get everything done. I do notice when I am stressed
or in a hurry I am not as willing to just let rude behavior go. In
the articles I selected for the newsletter this month I chose to highlight
respect for self and others. This may seem like a topic that is
often part of what we as parent already teach our children but do we tell
them how to handle rude people and do we role model respect for ourselves
and others? It is easy to say the words, “Be respectful” but at times our
actions and those of other adults speak louder than any reminder we may
give them. We need to give our children the tools necessary to learn how
to be respectful. This quote from Eldridge Cleaver defines respect,
“Respect commands itself and it can be neither given nor withheld when it
is due.” Talking to our children about respect is a way to empower them
and a skill that will last a lifetime. As always call the PCN
office if any have questions or are in need of a resource. Enjoy
your family time during the holiday season.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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