November 2009
Review Goals,
Expectations for High School
Help Your Teen Learn to Keep Promises, Honor Commitments
Determine When to Stand Firm, When to be Flexible With Rules
Build Your Teen's Character with a Positive Volunteer Experience
A Word From the Director
Now
is a great time to review your goals and expectations for your teen.
Discuss how school is going so far and talk with your teen about
setting new goals.
Ask:
 "How do you think you're doing in
your classes?" If she's struggling, what can she do to get back on
track?
"What
activities do you want to pursue--in school and beyond?" What can she
do now to get on the right path?
"How
is your life outside of school?" Is she happy with how she spends her
free time?
Listen to your teen's answers and then, be sure to:
v
Keep
expectations high. Let your teen know that you expect her to do her
best.
v
Stay
realistic. Students can be strong in some subjects, but not others. It
may not be appropriate to expect your teen to raise a grade to an A.
v
Offer
your support. Let your teen know you believe in her, and want to help
her reach her goals.
A
huge part of being responsible is actually doing what you say you're
going to do. To effectively do that for others, kids first have to
learn to do it for themselves.
Here
are some things your teen can do to help her keep the promises she
makes to herself. Have your teen:
þ
Do
what she's been putting off. Not everything, just one thing. She
should write down one thing that's been on her to-do list for at least
a week and do it today. It may be finishing a rough draft for a paper,
picking up the clothes on the floor of her closet or writing and
sending a thank-you note for a present.
þ
Take
one step toward a healthier lifestyle. The key is to pick one thing.
Your teen may say she will get up early, have a healthy breakfast,
exercise for an hour and skip snacks at school. Well, that would be
great. But not so realistic. Encourage her to just start with the
healthy breakfast and make it a habit first.
þ
Be a
good role model for your teen and keep a few of the promises you have
made to yourself, too.
Rules
work best when they are consistently enforced. But that doesn't mean
you can't bend them occasionally if it will benefit your relationship
with your teen.
Think
about putting your rules in one of three groups:
Group A. These rules are absolutely
firm. This group should contain only a few rules. Most of these should
have to do with your teen's safety, like: Never drink and drive.
Group B. These rules can be
flexible, if agreed upon in advance. For example, your teen may be
excused from a curfew for a special event, such as for the prom.
Group C. These rules are the most
flexible. Here, your teen can make the choice as long as it does not
infringe on the rights of others. For example, she can play whatever
music she likes. But if the noise level interferes with the activities
of others, she'll need to turn it down.
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To
build your teen's character, encourage him to take some time to
volunteer. Teens who volunteer regularly:
è
Are
less likely to use drugs.
è
Are
less likely to be sexually active.
è
Are
more likely to develop a strong work ethic.
è
Are
more likely to be active participants in their communities as adults.
è
Are
gaining important skills and experiences that can be listed on college
applications or résumé.
To
help your teen have a good volunteering experience:
ê
Discuss your teen's strengths and interests. Help your teen find a
cause he feels strongly about.
ê
Review his schedule. If your teen has a lot of free time, volunteering
regularly at the local animal shelter may be right for him. If his
schedule is pretty full, he could participate in a volunteer program
from home (sending care packages to troops overseas).
ê
Encourage your teen to stay committed. Remind him that volunteering is
like a job - he has to show up when he says he will.
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The
articles highlighted in this month’s newsletter are the blueprints for
a lifelong building project. As I scanned the titles of each article
it occurred to me that teaching our children how to keep promises,
honor commitments, be a team player and set expectation were really
the skills necessary to build a successful life. Helen Gahagan Douglas
defines this “building project” in this way. “Character is not
inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought
by thought, actions by action.” The building blocks of character we
teach our children give them the skill set necessary to achieve
success in life. As a parent we want to provide the best possible
build tools for our children. Take time to talk with your child about
character and success, listen to your child’s definition. What
character traits do they value? Franklin Roosevelt framed it this
way, ”We cannot always build the future for our youth but we can
build our youth for the future.” Take time to talk about these
building blocks with your child. Enjoy your discussion and the
information on our site. Thank you for being a part of our PCN
family.
Darcy
Jensen and the PCN Board.
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