May 2009
Remember
How to be a PARENT During Teenage Years
Questions and Answers
Study: Teens
Want to Spend Time with Family
Touching
Base with Teens: 4 Key Times Each Day
A Word From the Director
Brain research shows that
parents play a critical role during the teenage years. While teens are
mature in some ways, they still need parents to help them make
responsible decisions.
How can you do that? Here's an
easy way to remember some of the things you can do. Just be a PARENT:
P=Promote
positive activities. Help your teen channel his energy into worthwhile
programs. Teens are great at physical challenges. They also understand
technology better than many adults.
A=Assist
your teen with activities that require planning. The last part of the
brain to develop is what's known as the prefrontal cortex. It is
involved in planning, decision making and impulse control. Since most
teens still lack the ability to do these things well, they need
parents to help them. So ask questions. "What will you do if kids are
drinking at the party?"
R=Remind
your teen to ask for advice. When he does, say you are glad he asked.
Talk about how you make decisions.
E=Encourage
behaviors that promote good brain development. Make sure your teen
avoids drugs and alcohol. Encourage him to get regular exercise.
N=Never
underestimate the effects of alcohol on a teen's brain. Research shows
teens are affected much more strongly by alcohol. Alcohol can harm a
teen's brain development.
T=Tolerate.
Teens make mistakes. Expect them. Plan for them. Then help your teen
get back on the right track as soon as he can.
Q:
My son and some friends broke into the school and set off a fire
alarm. Unfortunately, that set off the sprinkler system in the lab.
This caused a fair amount of damage. The school wants the boys to pay
for the damage, and they say my son can't "walk" at graduation. (He
will still get his diploma.) I think that's harsh for a prank. How can
I make the school allow my son to take part in graduation?
A:
There's a long tradition of senior pranks. But they've turned from
funny and harmless to dangerous and damaging. Let's be clear about
what your son did. He broke into a school - a crime in most areas. He
pulled a fire alarm - another illegal act. And his actions may have
caused thousands of dollars of damage, which probably makes it another
crime. In many places, he wouldn't be worried about whether he was
"walking." He'd be worried about whether he'd have a criminal record.
I think you need to help your son realize that he is very fortunate.
His actions hurt the school and hurt other students. He needs to make
amends. Have him work out a plan to pay for his share of the damage.
But also have him volunteer to do extra community service at the
school. And on the day of graduation, plan a small family gathering.
It won't be the same as actually "walking" at the ceremony, but it
will help him realize that actions have consequences. Think of it as
the last important lesson he'll learn in high school.
A recent study found that the
top concern among teens today is not spending enough time with their
parents. "Not having enough time together" actually tied with
education as the top issue teens are worried about. Surprisingly,
parents ranked drugs and alcohol as their top concern for their teens.
Quality family time came in as a distant fourth. During adolescence,
teens often place more emphasis on spending time with friends than
they did as elementary school students--but that doesn't mean family
time is any less important to them. Teens count on parents to provide
guidance about values, and look to parents for advice on a variety of
issues, including dating, sex, drugs and alcohol. So make the time
you spend with your teen count. Even something as simple as a weekly
family dinner could help you learn more about your teen - and will
give him the family time he needs.
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You are busy and your teen is
busy. Still, says Professor Robert Blum, spending time with your teen
is critical. His study of more than 12,000 teens shows that they need
to feel a close connection with at least one parent. Otherwise,
trouble--drug use, sexual activity and depression--can result.
He says parents need to try to
touch base with their teen at four key times during the day: early
morning, after school, dinnertime and bedtime.
Of the four, dinnertime is the
most important. It's a time when a single question can lead to a
15-minute conversation. It's a time when you and your teen can talk
and listen to each other.
If you can't be at home during
all four of these key times, find other ways to touch base. Send an
email or an instant message from work. Call your teen on the phone.
(Some parents say their teens open up more on the phone than in
person.)
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Greetings from PCN
The school year
will soon be over and our thoughts will turn to summer fun, yet the
job of parenting does not have a summer break. In fact, during the
summer months we need to track our children’s activities for the
entire day - not just after school. As we settle into the summer pace
remember to find time for just family activities. Throughout this
newsletter you will find articles that highlight ways to put family
time into your schedule. Taking time for our children is one way of
showing them just how important they are in our lives. Finding the
time and getting everyone together may take perseverance but the
reward outweighs the effort. John Quincy Adams wrote, “Patience and
perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear
and obstacles vanish”. Taking time for family can provide magical
memories that will last a lifetime. Enjoy your family time this summer
and remember the PCN website with resources on parenting issues is
just a click away.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN
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