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April 2009
Discuss
Important Bullying Facts with Your Teen
Bring Back Family Dinners, Reconnect With Your Teenager
Is Your Teen
at Risk of Dropping Out of School?
Experts: Teen Brains May be Wired for Power Struggles
A Word From the Director
Bullying was once looked at as "part of growing up"--a
sort of initiation ritual that taught kids that life wasn't always
fair. But bullying among teens has become a huge problem. It can
affect students' attendance, schoolwork and their mental and physical
health.
Bullying can be:
Physical.
Physical bullying ranges from shoving or tripping to punching, hitting
or even sexual assault. Verbal.
Verbal bullying includes taunting, teasing and cyberbullying--posting
insults or sending cruel messages via the Internet.
Psychological.
Psychological bullying occurs when a teen is gossiped about or
purposely excluded from a group.
Here's what you can do:
Talk to your teen about bullying. Most teens have experienced
bullying, whether as the bully, the victim or a witness.
Stress to your teen that if any bullying situation seems likely to
escalate to physical danger, he should report it immediately to you, a
teacher or the principal.
Tell your teen to avoid being alone if he is the victim of a bully.
Being part of a group may discourage a bully from attacking. If the
bully still confronts him, he should ignore the bully and walk away.
Encourage your teen to speak out against bullying. He can join his
school's anti-violence program or start one.
Between your teen's homework,
sports practices and work and your work, chores and errands, it may
seem like there's no way you can fit in time to spend with your teen.
But no matter how busy you are, both you and your teen still have to
eat! Designate at least one night a week "Family Dinner
Night." Family dinners help strengthen parent-teen relationships,
teach teens good eating habits, and are instrumental in preventing
substance abuse.
To make the most of dinner
with your teen:
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Turn off the phones.
That's what voicemail is for. Use this as an opportunity to focus on
your teen without any distractions.
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Ask your teen specific
questions. Show her that you're interested in what she has to say.
Don't interrupt her when she's speaking.
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Talk about your own day.
Ask your teen for her opinion.
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Keep it fun. Try to avoid
topics that could lead to arguing. Consider letting your teen choose
what to eat. Or have her help you cook the meal--she'll learn an
important life skill, and you'll squeeze in some extra time together.
Could your teen be at risk of
dropping out of school? Here are four warning signs of trouble:
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Absences. Students who miss more
than five days in a single marking period often fall behind in their
class work. They feel frustrated and sometimes decide to give up.
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Poor grades in core subjects. If your teen is failing in math,
science, English or social studies, she may have to repeat a grade.
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Being held back. Teens who are
held back often drop out rather than finish high school.
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Lack of engagement in class,
including behavioral problems. Teens who never have homework, or who
seem to be in constant trouble, may end up dropping out.
If you recognize any of these warning signs in your teen, contact the
school right away. Make a plan to help get your teen back on track to
graduate.
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You are
determined that your teen will do his homework right now. He is
equally determined to spend another 30 minutes on the computer. Sound
familiar? Teens and parents regularly find themselves locked in power
struggles.
Recent brain
research suggests that these power struggles may actually be the
result of the way teens' brains develop. An area of the brain known
as the prefrontal cortex acts as the brain's CEO. It is the area of
the brain that helps adults regulate their behavior. An adult would
think, "If I say that to my boss, I'm likely to get fired. Maybe I'd
better keep that thought to myself." But this area of the brain
develops late, so most teens lack that ability to regulate their
behavior. Researcher David Walsh, author of Why Do They Act That
Way: A Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen, says,
"The fact is that the teenage brain is built for power struggles."
So what does
that mean for you? Avoid power struggles when you can. You don't have
to give in on everything, of course. But look for ways to involve your
teen in decisions. For example, asking, "When can you do your homework
so we can go to Grandma's tonight?" may eliminate a fight - and still
get the homework finished.
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Greetings from PCN
Communication
is so important and yet it is the one area in most of our lives that
is being filled with electronic responses rather than face-to-face
communication. Have you ever sat in a room of pre-teens and teens
where there was probably more texting going on than talking with the
person sitting right next to them in the room? The art of
conversation is getting lost in the many advances that have been made
in communication devices. So what can we as parents do to communicate
with our children? First, role model the communication, that means
shutting off your cell phone and giving your full attention to your
family when you are all together. I have a book in my office that can
be a great starting point for communication. It is titled “If anybody
asks me… 1001 questions”. It may be one way to get to know your child
better and truly explore their thoughts. An example of the questions
includes: What could your family use a little more of? What could they
use a little less of? What is the most enjoyable holiday celebrated by
your family? Why? As you can see, these questions not only start the
conversation but also give you insight into your child’s world. As
the spring weather brightens our days remember, face-to-face
communication can also brighten our lives. Please take time to talk
with your family and enjoy the response.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN
Board
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