February 2010
Parent
Quiz: Do You Communicate Without Snooping?
Avoid Scare Tactics
When Disciplining
Questions & Answers
Teach Your Teen How to Handle Difficult Work Situations
A Word From the Director
It can be
hard to stay in touch with your teenager. He wants independence. You
want to know what's going on in his life.
Keep the
lines of communication open--without getting a search warrant. Are you
staying in touch without snooping? Answer yes or no to the questions
below to find out:
___1. Do you
encourage your teen's friends to spend time at your house?
___2. Do you
offer to drive your teen and friends to school events? This is a great
way to hear what's going on.
___3. Do you
schedule one-on-one time with your teen? Sometimes, this is all it
takes for a teen to open up.
___4. Do you
check your teen's page on social networking sites? Your teen is
sharing this information with the public--which means he must also
share it with you.
___5. Do you
sometimes just hang out with your teen? Watching TV together can lead
to great talks.
How
well are you doing?
Each yes
means you're communicating without snooping. For each no answer, try
that idea in the quiz.
When
lecturing your teen for the hundredth time about wearing her seat
belt--and getting the "Okay, Mom" response, followed by the eye
roll--it's tempting to start screaming, "You must wear your seatbelt!
If you don't, and there's an accident, you will be thrown out of the
car and break your neck!"
That
reaction makes sense. However, it's important to remember that your
teen doesn't always think the same way that you do--and that's why
scare tactics don't work.
Teens
understand that bad things could happen when they do something
wrong--but they think those bad things will only happen to other
people. Teens are better at processing concrete information--what's
going on in the here and now--than they are at thinking about abstract
situations. That's why a direct statement ("If you're not wearing your
seatbelt, I'm taking away your driving privileges.") is more effective
than a scare tactic.
Scare
tactics can also cause your teen to lose respect for your advice. If
you respond with a "scary story" every time your teen tries to talk to
you about a serious issue, she is likely to stop discussing them with
you.
It's more
important to know your teen's concerns and issues than it is to scare
her away from doing things. So give your teen reasonable explanations
for why you feel the way you do on serious issues.
Q:
My son is a nonconformist. His clothes, his hairstyle, even the music
he listens to are all very different from most of the students in his
school. So he doesn't have a lot of friends. He has strong opinions,
many of which I do not share. He constantly questions me and his
teachers. Still, he's polite and he works hard. How can I help him
through his high school years?
A:
Adolescence is tough enough. But when a teen intentionally sets
himself apart, the challenges can become magnified.
You are
clearly working hard to keep the lines of communication open with your
son. That's important. Don't feel that you need to argue with him on
every point. Sometimes, you can shrug off his comment by saying,
"Well, that's certainly an interesting point of view."
You also are
doing a good job by trying to pick your battles. Hair and clothing are
hardly ever worth a fight.
Be sure you
also:
ê
Continue
to look for his positive qualities. Praise him in private--and in
public. He needs to know that you truly are proud of the things he
does.
ê
Help him find outlets for his
talents. These successes will continue to give him confidence in his
abilities. His talents may eventually turn into a lifetime career.
He may never
completely fit in while he's in high school. But by helping him
develop a solid sense of who he is, he can be successful and happy in
college and in a career.
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Your high
schooler comes home and explodes, "I hate my job!" She continues on to
say that it's boring work, her boss always makes her work late and the
work-related stress is starting to affect her schoolwork.
You agree
that it's time for her to leave this job. But stop your teen before
she calls her boss and yells, "I quit!" Talk about the importance of
quitting gracefully and respectfully.
With your
teen, discuss:
þ
Her plans. Will she focus
only on school for a while? Or does she need to find another job
immediately? She might want to stay at her current job until she has
another one lined up.
þ
The two-week notice. Most
jobs require employees to give two weeks' notice that they are leaving
the company. This gives the company time to find a replacement.
þ
How to talk to her boss.
Your teen should explain her reasons for wanting to leave in a
professional manner--saying "You're a terrible boss," is not a good
option. Instead, your teen should say something like, "I feel I have
outgrown the position and am looking for more challenging employment"
or, "I am struggling to keep up with my schoolwork, so I need to focus
on my grades."
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The past
weeks have been very busy at work and I seemed to be getting buried
with paperwork and demands on my time. It is when this happens I
find myself less patient with others; often preoccupied with what
needs to happen next rather than focusing on what I am doing and why.
When life’s pressures get too great we may miss the best solutions
because we do not see beyond the situation before us.
Adults are not the only ones who feel the pressures of life. Our
children, too, may feel these pressures and look for ways to reduce
the pressure. Substance use may seem like a solution for reducing the
stress and taking the pressures off. At least, that is what students
may believe when they first start using a substance because it does
create a distraction and a way to forget the stress for the moment.
As parents, we need to know the signs of use and be prepared to talk
with our children. We need to be role models for our children
how we deal with the pressures of life.
I encourage you to visit our PCN and Prairie View websites for
parenting tips and information on how to recognize the signs of
substance use. There are substance abuse/prevention counselors
in our schools who are available to talk about any concerns or
questions you may have regarding substance use. Please check out
these resources. Our goal is to be a helpful resource for you
and your family. The PCN board knows parenting is an important job and
our hope is to provide you with all the tools you need to be
successful.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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