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The last years of childhood may seem like a nightmare in some ways.
Commonly called the pre-teen or 'tweener' age, from nine to eleven years old
children seem to change rapidly both physically and emotionally. It can be
baffling for parents watching their youngsters jump on the roller coaster ride
towards adolescence. It helps to understand that many of the changes are
normal. They include:
 Posture may become awkward and slouchy.
Both boys and girls may be careless about clothes and cleanliness.
At about eleven, most girls begin to develop secondary sexual
characteristics.
It is not unusual to revert to behaviors such as nail-biting or bed
wetting.
They become less interested in fantasy and enjoy more realistic stories.
They like group adventure and excitement.
They admire achievement and winners.
They can be easily offended.
They are usually fair and want to be truthful.
They are working to gain independence and learning teamwork.
Change Your Tone to Help Change Your Child's Behavior
Out of anger or frustration, parents often resort to
criticizing children. “You’re such a baby!” “Can’t you learn anything?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Such words don’t help a child correct inappropriate
behavior. Instead, they destroy a child’s confidence and motivation. Ultimately,
they evoke resentment, rebellion or resignation. They make a child feel he can’t
do anything right, so why try? Such statements focus on the child. To change behavior, you
must focus on the behavior you want to change. For example:
Don’t say,
“You’re lazy.” Say, “I’d like you to make homework a priority.” Don’t say, “What
a slob!” Say, “Please pick up your things.”
Avoid giving a
“you” message. “You are...” Instead, give an “I” message. “I’m upset about...”
The best way to get the behavior you want is to praise
positive behavior when you see it. Be sure to:
Say how you
feel. “I love the way you...” “I appreciate...”
Describe what
you see. “I can see you put a lot of effort into your school project.”
Praise
progress. “You spelled every word correctly on your test this week.”
Make comments that encourage your child to
conclude something positive about himself. “I appreciate your being so kind to
your sister.” Your child concludes—“I am capable of being kind.”
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