The Reward for Doing Well is the Good Feeling That Comes With It

Some parents give kids money for good grades on a report card. What does that teach kids to value? Maybe money—but certainly not learning.

That can be the problem with a lot of so-called “motivation” ideas. The more you offer rewards for learning, the more you teach your child to look for the rewards and not for the learning.

The truth is that all students are motivated from the inside. Your job is to help them recognize that motivation and put it to work.

So the next time your child brings you a good school project, don’t automatically offer praise. Instead, ask, “Are you proud of that?” When your child says yes, ask a second question: “How does it feel to have done your best?”

Your child will probably say that it feels pretty good. And that’s the information you can use again and again. Point out to her that she is capable of doing great work. She can achieve. And when she does, it feels pretty good.

Keep focusing on the good feeling that comes from doing a job well. The reward for doing well is the good feeling. That lasts a lot longer than the money for good grades!

Use ‘The V of Love’ to Set Limits, Build Responsibility

Parenting is always a balancing act between letting go and setting limits. Here’s a great way to think about how to set limits. It’s called “The V of Love.”

Draw a large letter V on a piece of paper. The sides of the V represent the parent’s firm limits. Outside those lines, the child has no choices - the parent’s rule goes. But inside the lines, the child can make decisions and live with the consequences.

As your child gets older, you can give her more freedom. For example, when she was a toddler, she could choose between the red or yellow shirt. As a preschooler, she could choose to eat a banana or an apple. Now that she’s in elementary school, her choices should expand. She should decide if she joins the swim team or soccer team. And she needs to live with the choice she makes. She can decide whether to do her math homework first or her reading (but she has to finish both).

The older your child gets, the more control she should have. Gradually, she’ll be ready for adult life - ready to make responsible choices and live with the consequences. Some parents work the other way. They give young children too many choices. They treat their kids like little adults. These parents soon have a child who’s out of control. Then the parent clamps down. The child is unhappy and rebels, so the parent clamps down even more.

So, think about “The V of Love” when you’re setting limits.

Teach Your Child the Importance of Not Interrupting Adults, Others

You’re talking on the phone when your child walks in. “Where’s my math book?” she asks, without excusing herself. Experts say that too many of today’s children feel they have a right to interrupt adult conversations any time they feel like it.

That simple act gives kids the wrong message. Yes, their needs are important and they have a right to be seen and heard—but not whenever they want.

When your child interrupts you, don’t take the bait. Say, “I’m talking on the phone. I will help you when I’m finished.” Then go back to your phone call. If she interrupts again, ignore her or hold up your hand.

When you’re off the phone, be sure to listen to your child. Also take the opportunity to talk to her about being respectful by not interrupting.

Get to School on Time with the Three P’s

You started out the year great. Everyone got up and out the door on time—at least most days. But now things have started to slip.

The end of the year is often the time when attendance goes down. But it’s also the time that important class activities and tests take place.

Remember the three P’s to make sure your child still gets to school on time:

Plan. The night before, take a few minutes to think about what your child needs for the next day. Help him pack his lunch and put it in the refrigerator. Have him set his backpack by the door.

Prioritize. Schedule medical appointments after school. Don’t plan trips until after the end of the school year.

Practice. Practice really does make perfect. Each day you get your child up and out the door on time will make it easier the next day.

Greetings from PCN

The count down has started. The days before the end of the school year are numbered and soon we will be enjoying summer time activities. It seems the weather goes from winter to summer. I just put away my snow shovel and boots and now we are talking about end of school events and summer fun. As parents this time of year can be a difficult time with more questions than answers. Do we need daycare? Who will they be hanging out with all day? Who is going to the Prom/Graduation Parties? These are just a few of the questions I have heard from parents. Take time to plan for these events and your summer. Our PCN website has many helpful tips for all ages. In addition, the Safe South Dakota site offers tips for talking with teens about alcohol use and driving. Whether you are planning the Prom/Graduation party or talking about summer care, talk about expectations and safety. Decide what your family plan will be and follow through on the decisions as a family. Remember, when we get everyone involved in the process then we all have a share in the planning and responsibility.

As always call the PCN office with any questions or resources needs.

Enjoy the warm days and Happy planning.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board