June/July 2009

Spot Bullying Signs, Encourage Your Child to Open Up
Look for Math in Daily Tasks - Share Them with Your Child
Deal With Behavior, Avoid Yelling: 3 Easy Steps
Don't Let Your Child Waste the Summer in Front of a Screen

Spot Bullying Signs, Encourage Your Child to Open Up

He says he doesn't want to go to school. Sometimes, he comes home with clothing torn. His attitude seems to have changed - he's sad and withdrawn.
Kids often "tell" you they're being bullied long before they can put it into words. But if you suspect your child might be the victim of a bully at school, here are ways to get him to open up about it:

Make talking about school a regular part of your day. Sit down with your child and have him tell you everything that went on. He needs to get into the habit of talking about the good things as well as the bad.
Ask questions. Find out who he sits with on the bus. Who does he play with at recess?
Ask him if he's ever seen any other child being picked on or bullied.
Take your child seriously if he tells you he's being bullied. Tell him that no one deserves to be bullied and assure him that you will help him.

If you learn that your child is being bullied at school, make an appointment to talk with his teacher as soon as possible. Working together, you will be able to solve the problem

Look for Math in Daily Tasks - Share Them with Your Child

Most parents read every day. They probably do math, too, although they may not realize it. Math is a natural part of life, and it's important to include your child in daily math activities.

With your child, you can:

ê Take a trip. Before leaving, measure the air pressure in your car or bike tires. Also calculate how many miles you'll go. If you're driving, how much gas will you use? In the car, say a number between one and 10. Who can find a license plate with numbers that add up to the number you called out?

ê Follow recipes. When preparing meals, let your child help with weighing and measuring. Discuss sizes, shapes and fractions. Find answers to questions such as, "How could we double this recipe?" and, "When we add ¼ cup to ¼ cup, what do we get?"

ê Go shopping. Bring a calculator with you and keep a running tally of purchases. Use coupons to inspire math problems also. "If we use this coupon, will the product cost less than other brands?" "Which of these items is really the best deal per pound?"

Save money. Help your child choose a goal, such as saving for a toy. Make a chart to help. How much does he need to save each week? How long will it take to reach the total? Keep track of how well he is doing. Then have fun shopping together!

ê Play math games to relax. There are lots of fun math games you can play together online. You can also play a few classic games with cards and dominoes.

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Deal With Behavior, Avoid Yelling: 3 Easy Steps

Kids know how to push buttons. They can leave you so frustrated that you want to scream. But you shouldn't. Your goal in disciplining your child is to get her to change her behavior. You want her to stop throwing the ball inside, or start her homework, or pick up her room. But when you loose control of your emotions, you make it easier for her to ignore you. The words you use and your tone of voice make all the difference. When you can keep your own behavior calm and under control, you are dealing with your child from a position of strength. So before you find yourself in a power struggle, follow these steps:
1 Take a deep breath and address the behavior you want changed.
2 Remind your child of the consequences.
3 Offer your child a choice: She can make the change - or accept the consequences.
By following these steps, you'll stay in charge. And you'll stay in control.

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Don't Let Your Child Waste the Summer in Front of a Screen

The lazy days of summer can lead to lazy hours in front of the TV, computer or portable game system. But experts say it's important to limit "screen time." A good rule of thumb is two hours a day or fewer. To fill other hours in the day:

Be the entertainment. Instead of watching a show, your child can create one! Encourage her to choose an exciting storyline and act it out with friends or stuffed animals.

Play classic games. Fill a bucket with traditional summer toys, including sidewalk chalk, balls, bubble stuff and water sprayers. When the weather is right, take it outside for hours of fun.

Go somewhere new. Become a "tourist" in your area. Imagine you are just visiting for a day, and you want to see the most important local sites. What would you choose?

Plan a treasure hunt. Hide lots of clues, with each one leading to the next. This can be done outside or inside. The last clue should lead to a treasure, such as fruit-juice Popsicles or a fun activity.

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Greetings from PCN

This is the last newsletter for the 2008-2009 school year. It was a busy school year and I am already planning for next one! As warm breezes and sunshine announce the start of summer, we need to take time to relax - but that does not mean we can relax the rules and consequences in our homes. Children thrive in structure and knowing what is expected of them. The consequences of non-compliance help to establish order in family life. Sit down as a family and discuss summer dangers and family rules. Underage drinking, drug use, sexting, and curfew should be part of your discussion. If you need help with this discussion please call. The PCN office and website will be available to you all summer for information on any parenting issue, answer your questions or find a resource.

Enjoy the summer, Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board

May 2009

Positive Discipline Begins With Effective Communication
Questions & Answers
Maximizing Time Spent with Your Child
Be Specific When Talking about Respect

A Word From the Director

Positive Discipline Begins With Effective Communication

"You're not listening to me." It's frustrating when children don't do what parents say. But the problem isn't always "not listening." Too often, parents aren't communicating well. Even parents with the best intentions may lecture or criticize - making kids feel and behave worse. It's better to:
Listen to your child's ideas. Replace lectures with helpful discussions and questions. ("Why do you think that happened?" "What would you do next time?")
Accept that no one is perfect. Mistakes are not something to hide. Instead, your family can use them as opportunities to learn and grow.
Be confident in your child's skills. When a minor problem arises, for example, say, "I believe you can handle this. I'm here to help if you need it."
Repeat what your child says. Make sure you understood. "So Sean didn't pick you to be on his team, and you yelled at him."
Imagine how your child feels. Put it into words. "Sean is your friend, but what he did made you feel left out and angry."
Stay respectful - even if your child does not. If he says something dramatic ("I hate you!"), remain calm and understanding ("You're furious about what I did").
Limit how much you say. Listen without interrupting. When you speak, make your point brief and clear.
Show that you love your child, no matter what. Just saying it isn't enough. Prove it by communicating in loving, effective ways.

Questions & Answers

Q: My second grader has tantrums when she doesn't get her way. I admit that I sometimes give in rather than having to deal with her behavior. She's acting the same way in school, and her teacher has asked for my help in getting her to control herself. What can I do?

A: Two-year-old tantrums are hard enough to deal with. But eight-year-olds need to learn how to get themselves under control. Here are some ideas:
Keep a record of your child's tantrums for a week or so. Record what happened just before the tantrum. This will help you begin to see patterns. What happens when she falls apart? How many times do you give in to a tantrum?
Create a plan of action to change her behavior. Parents are sometimes tempted to ignore a child who is throwing a tantrum. Unfortunately, that may just lead her to act out even more.
Set clear boundaries. Suppose she often has a tantrum if you don't let her watch TV. Say calmly, "It is not time to turn on the TV. It's time for reading." She's not likely to stop her tantrum right away. Keep talking with her. "I know that you are upset. But this is the rule."
Tell her she can control her behavior, too. "You'll feel so much better when you are in control." Then praise her when she does calm down.
Whatever you do, don't give in. Her success in school and with other children depends on learning how to control that temper.

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Maximizing Time Spent with Your Child

Busy parents feel pressured to make the most of time with their children. But this is hard when so many things can interfere. To make time together more frequent and meaningful:
Limit TV viewing. Simply turning on the TV can lead to hours of wasted time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours per day.
Volunteer. If your child is involved in a club, team or other group activity, offer to help out. Then nothing will prevent this time together.
Get moving. It's important to squeeze exercise into your routine. Do some activities as a family, such as go for walks, play tag or kick a soccer ball.
Put family time on the calendar. Treat it like an appointment. Also schedule one-on-one activities that appeal to each child.
Set the table for dinner. Sit-down meals help kids and parents focus on each other.

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Be Specific When Talking about Respect

The best way to get your child to show respect is not by talking about an abstract idea that may be hard for her to understand. Instead, try talking about very specific actions she can take to show her respect.

For example, when your child interrupts, you might say, "When someone else is talking, it's respectful to listen until the person is finished. Then you can take your turn."

You can also ask if your child can come up with specific behaviors that would show respect. "What can you do to show your teacher respect?" Your child could raise her hand, complete homework on time and pay attention in class.

Later, when your child has done something respectful, help her make the link. "I loved the way you showed respect when Mr. Jones called. You carefully wrote down the message so I knew when to call him back."

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Greetings from PCN

The school year will soon be over and our thoughts will turn to summer fun, yet the job of parenting does not have a summer break. In fact, during the summer months we need to track our children’s activities for the entire day - not just after school. As we settle into the summer pace remember to find time for just family activities. Throughout this newsletter you will find articles that highlight ways to put family time into your schedule. Taking time for our children is one way of showing them just how important they are in our lives. Finding the time and getting everyone together may take perseverance but the reward outweighs the effort. John Quincy Adams wrote, “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish”. Taking time for family can provide magical memories that will last a lifetime. Enjoy your family time this summer and remember the PCN website with resources on parenting issues is just a click away.

Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board

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