March 2010
Discipline: An Opportunity to Teach Children How to Behave
Parent Questions & Answers
Parent Quiz: Are You Helping Your Child Attend School Every Day?
Experts: “Pay for Grades” Not an Effective Motivator
A Word
From the Director
Some parents think
that the word discipline means something negative. But actually,
discipline is much more than just the times you say no or punish your
child.
In fact, the word
discipline comes from the Latin word that means "student" or "pupil."
Experts say parents will be much more effective if they think about
discipline as a way of teaching their children to behave in
appropriate ways.
And one of the best ways to do
that is by rewarding kids who are doing something right. Suppose you
are working at your computer. You see your child is sitting quietly at
the kitchen table working on his book report. So take a short break.
Say, "I am just so happy you started working on your book report
without a reminder from me. And you gave me a little extra time to
finish what I was working on. Now we can spend some time doing
something together."
Then spend five or 10 minutes
playing together, reading or doing something your child enjoys. Kids
love getting undivided attention from a parent.
Spend a few minutes
with a child who is behaving well. Otherwise, you'll spend much more
time with a child who is misbehaving!
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Q:
My daughter is in first grade. She was adjusting well to school
until her dad was deployed to Afghanistan. Now she is having trouble.
Her teacher says she doesn't want to take part in class activities.
She talks to me a lot about what will happen if her father doesn't
come home. How can I help her, and how can I help her get back on
track at school?
A:
Clearly the deployment has affected your child, both at
school and at home. But there are some ways to help her. All of them
involve opening up the lines of communication:
 | Tell your child that it's
not her fault that her father is away. Even if you've told her that
this is her father's job, you need to tell her again. Children
sometimes blame themselves when a parent goes away. |
| Find ways for your child to
communicate with her father. If possible, arrange for a phone call
so she can hear her dad's voice. Just having Dad say, "I'll be home
soon" may help her adjust. |
| Be sure your child's
teacher knows how you're handling this issue at home. She may be
able to get your child to talk about her feelings. Sometimes,
children will tell a teacher something they don't want to worry
their parent by discussing. |
| Teach your child the art of
writing letters. Each day, have her write a sentence or two to her
father. All these things will help your daughter feel more in
control until her father returns from overseas. |
Kids can't learn if they aren't
in school. Yet every day, children are tardy or absent from school for
reasons that could be avoided. That means they're missing out on
important learning. Are you doing everything you can to be sure
your child is in school every day? Answer yes or no to each question
below to find out.
__1. Does your child know you
expect her to go to school every day?
__2. Do you get ready for the
next day at night so you get out the door on time in the morning?
__3. Do you know the school's
attendance policy? Do you call the school to report if your child is
too sick to come to school?
__4. Do you avoid scheduling
appointments during school time?
__5. Do you practice hand
washing? One study shows it can reduce absences by as much as 50%.
How well are you dong?
Each yes means you are helping
your child get to school regularly. For no answers, try those ideas in
the quiz.
You're worried about your child's
math grades. Then she makes a suggestion. "I would do better if you
paid me for every A on a math test," she says.
Should you get out your wallet?
No, say most experts on motivation. Here's why paying children for
good grades is not an effective motivator:
ê
It puts the emphasis in the wrong place. If you promise your child $1
for a good grade, she'll be working for the money. She may find that
she wants the dollar so badly that she's willing to cheat to get it.
ê
It doesn't help your child learn the satisfaction of doing a job well.
Children need to learn the joy that comes just from doing something to
the best of their ability. There's a lot of pleasure that comes from
walking into a newly-cleaned room. There's great pride in handing in a
paper that was the best your child could do. Those are the rewards
your child ought to be working for.
ê
It puts all the focus on the outcome. Children need to learn the
importance of sticking with a challenging subject. They need to learn
that practice really does make perfect. Putting all your attention on
a reward at the end of the process will make it harder for your child
to learn those lessons.
So what should you do? Let your
child know that school is important. Set aside time and space for her
to do homework. Celebrate her successes with time spent together. And
keep your money in your pocket!
We are
slowly making our way through winter and starting to dream of spring.
What a difference a month can make in the temperature and our dreams
of warmer weather. As we cross off the days of winter the idea of
spring seems possible and less of a dream.
Having dreams and setting
goals for personal growth are important for parents and children. As
parents we always want the best for our children and resolve to assist
them in their efforts. Yet if we think back to our own
accomplishments, most likely the things we dreamed and did on our own
have the most value for us.
As I was working on this letter a recent play date with my little
granddaughter came to mind. I watched and listened as she told me
about the castle she was building. I was just ready to help her
balance the last blocks on the top of the castle when she turned and
said, “No I do it”! Oh the look of triumph I saw when she succeeded. I
found this quote by John Newport, which I thought truly fit. “Whenever
I pursue my dreams I discover something astonishing-- I discover
myself. Dreams aren’t a matter of chance but a matter of choice.“
Allow your children to dream and set goals for themselves. The process
can set in motion a journey of a lifetime. Supporting them as
they reach their goals builds a strong relationship and a
treasure-trove of memories. Take time as a family to share your
dreams and support each other in the journey. As always call the PCN
office if you have questions or are in need of a resource. Enjoy
your family time.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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