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January 2010
Five Research-Based Tips for More Successful Discipline
Parent Questions & Answers
Encourage Honesty
in Difficult Situations
Help Your Child
Persevere by Setting Goals
A Word From the Director
Helping
children learn appropriate behavior is a parenting task that sometimes
seems overwhelming. But research shows there are five ways parents can
be most successful in shaping children's positive behavior:
Give your child positive attention. Set aside time every day when you
can give your child some individual attention. Read a book, play a
board game or work together on a household project. The important
thing is that the two of you are together, talking and listening to
each other.
Listen to your child. Give him words to express his feelings. Kids who
can say, "I'm angry" are less likely to hit.
Give choices whenever you can. Kids learn how to make good choices by
making lots of choices. Let your child make choices--and then live
with the results.
Notice when your child does something right. This doesn't mean
praising your child every time he takes a breath! But when he does
something positive, let him know you noticed. He'll be more likely to
do it again tomorrow.
Be a good role model. You can't expect your child to control his
temper if you scream at every car on the road. Your example is the
single most powerful way that you teach your child about appropriate
behavior.
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Q:
My son has real problems writing down his thoughts. It seems to take
him much longer than other students to write words on a page. He also
has trouble spelling. Now that he's in fifth grade, he is assigned a
lot more writing. How can I help him?
A:
Writing is not something that comes naturally to all children. And
some, like your son, seem to face special challenges.
Still, as
you correctly point out, writing is essential to success in school.
You do need to meet with your child's teacher to discuss your
concerns. Ask her how you both can work on this issue.
There are
some things you can do to help your son when he has a writing
assignment to do at home. To get started:
þ
Emphasize the importance of
planning. Before your son ever picks up a pencil, he should think
carefully about what he wants to write. He can brainstorm and jot down
a few ideas--or make a recording of what he wants to say.
þ
Let your child use a
computer. Teach him to type (there are plenty of programs that will
help). He will be able to write more quickly, so he'll be less
frustrated. He'll need to use a computer in middle and high school
anyway--you can help him get a head start.
þ
Help your child practice
his handwriting at home. He'll always need to write some things by
hand. Writing is a skill, and just like other skills, it gets better
with practice.
Research
shows that by the time kids reach elementary school, most know the
difference between honesty and lying. But that doesn't make truth
telling easy!
To encourage
honesty in your child:
J
Be
a role model. Children are good "lie detectors." They notice when
parents tell the truth--and when they don't.
J
Reward trustworthiness. If your
child is truthful in a difficult situation, compliment him!
J
React
calmly. When your child lies, don't label him a "liar." Express
confidence that he will make better choices in the future.
J
Discuss
honesty. Why is it important to be honest? Note examples of honesty
and dishonesty--and their effects.
J
Create
opportunities for telling the truth. Say, "You broke my vase," instead
of, "Did you do this?" It's better to say what happened rather than to
ask unnecessary questions.
Facing
life's challenges - from learning to ride a bike to finishing a big
project - requires perseverance, and kids need plenty of help
developing this trait.
To boost
your child's persistence:
1 Build on the past. Remind your child of
times she's succeeded through hard work. Discuss how great she felt
and how she can do it again.
2 Set a small goal. Choose something your
child can accomplish and enjoy, such as walking a mile with you. This
builds confidence.
3 Ask for input. What else would your child
like to achieve? Wanting to reach the goal will give her motivation.
4 Be honest. Make sure your child picks a
realistic goal, but explain that reaching it won't be easy. Good
planning will help a lot.
5 Make a plan. Write down specific steps and
deadlines. Help your child divide her goal into small, manageable
parts.
6 Be a cheerleader. Compliment progress,
both along the way and at the finish line. Do not use prizes or
punishments.
7
Learn from the experience. Even if your child doesn't meet her
objective, stay positive! Take pride in her hard work. Talk about what
she might do differently next time, and envision success.
Greetings from PCN
The
glitter of the holidays is now a memory and we are starting a new
year. The possibilities and dreams of a new year can be seen as
exciting or challenging for everyone in the family. Teaching our
children to make good decisions can be a skill that leads to success.
The role models our children have will likely influence their
decision-making in the journey of life. This quote from Charles
Barkley reminds all of us who are the true roles model. “I don’t
believe professional athletics should be role models. I believe parent
should be role models.” Are you a role model for your child? At times
life may be so busy we forget the most important role we have that of
being a parent to our children.
This month I
have highlighted articles that take a look at decision-making, using
good judgment and honesty. Developing these skills can equip our
children with tools that build character and prepare them for the
future. As we start a new year remember to take time to be together as
a family. The very act of scheduling family time is an example of good
decision-making and a way to role model our family values for our
children. As always call the PCN office if any have questions or are
in need of a resource. Enjoy your family time during this new year.
Darcy Jensen and the PCN Board
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