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TICK TOCK - - - NO TIME TO TALK

Time is a short commodity these days.  Many families feel they are "time poor" no matter what their financial circumstances are.  It takes time to communicate, and some of the best communication is unplanned.  It means making yourself available to your children, even when it seems it doesn't matter.

You never know when a child or teen will want to talk; being there with a listening ear is one key to parenting today.  A report shows just how important it is to keep the conversation flowing - and how much children and teens want to discuss important issues with their parents.

According to CASA (The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University) -

"Teens want to talk to their parents about dating and drugs. Asked what they wished they could “honestly discuss with [their] parents at dinner,” 42 percent said “dating” and 30 percent said “substance use.” The CASA survey again confirms that the more often teens have dinner with their parents, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs. Parents who open up dinner conversation to topics such as dating and substance use are likelier to help their kids grow up drug free."
National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse IX: Teen Dating Practices and Sexual Activity
Published Date: August 2004

Since time for talking is often short, it will help to keep in mind some Clues for Effective Communication:
1. Give your full attention.  Be an active listener.
2. Use eye contact
3. Be alert to voice and body language.
4. Speak in ' I ' messages ("I think; I'm disappointed; I'm concerned.")
5. Avoid 'you' messages ("You shouldn't; you didn't").
6. Don't interrupt.
7. Avoid criticizing.
8. Stay calm.
9. If you hear something you don't like, say, "I need to think about that before I answer."  Take a breath, clear and focus your thoughts, and then give your ideas/answer.

Every conversation counts.  Watch out for these common roadblocks that can bring communication to a screeching stop.
ORDERING: You must...  You have to...  You will...
THREATENING: If you don't, then... You had better or else...
PREACHING: It is your duty to... You should... You ought...
LECTURING: Here is why you are wrong... Do you realize...
PROVIDING ANSWERS: What I would do is...  It would be best for you...
JUDGING: You are bad (lazy, etc.)  Your hair is too long...
EXCUSING: You'll feel better...  It's not so bad...
DIAGNOSING:  You're just trying to get attention...  I know what you need...
PRYING:  Why? What? How?

© 2004 Sioux Falls Parent Communication Network